When I ask clients if they feel ‘safe’ in their relationship, I sometimes get an offended reaction. ‘Of course I feel safe,’ they say. But when I clarify that there are different ways we can feel safe, things sometimes take a turn. Safety doesn’t just mean being physically safe; it can also mean feeling safe financially, emotionally, sexually, digitally, or intellectually. When we don’t feel safe in one or more of these areas, we may be experiencing a form of abuse without even realizing it....

Now that we have taken a look at what to look for in friendships that last. Again, the Gottmans have four items that lead to romantic relationships ending, and I believe that we can apply them to friendships too. According to the Gottmans, the four things that can make a romantic relationship last are the following: build a culture of appreciation, gentle start ups, responsibility, and physiological self-soothing. Let’s take a closer look at how each of these might play out in a friendship. ...

We talk about red flags in romantic relationships, but what about in friendships? As a marriage and family therapist, I teach couples the four things that kill a relationship per the Gottmans: contempt, defensiveness, criticism, and stonewalling. Each of these have been proven through evidence based research to lead to the demise of a relationship. It isn’t so far-fetched to assume that the same things apply to any other relationship, especially friendships. Let’s take a closer look at each...