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How Checking-In Can Save Your Marriage

I don’t know much about planes or how to fly them. However, I could watch a few youtube videos to figure it out. Still, I’ll leave it up to trained pilots to navigate me on a flight. I recently learned something interesting about aviation – the importance of checklists.  From what I understand, every plane has a checklist pilots go through for various situations. It doesn’t matter if it’s a pilot’s first flight or their 20,000th, they go through the checklist. This fascinates me! This seems somewhat counterintuitive to some other professions that rely on memorization or muscle memory to become adequate in their field.

In 1988, an aircraft flying out of Detroit crashed immediately after takeoff because the crew failed to deploy the flaps. Almost exactly a year later, a Boeing 727 departing Dallas also crashed on takeoff. Same exact problem. The crew failed to follow the takeoff checklist and properly deploy the flaps and slats for takeoff.  All that was needed to prevent these accidents was to properly go through the checklist and the pilots would have easily adjusted the issues.

This Discipline Applied to Marriage

There are many things that fill a person’s life. These things, no matter how great, have the ability to keep us distracted from the direction of our marriage. This is where checking-in helps. If you’re feeling disconnected or distant, I encourage you to spend 30 minutes on a Sunday night, or the beginning of each month, to talk to one another using some of the questions below. These questions aren’t a miracle pill for connection, but the hope is they begin to stir conversations that may not be happening. Hopefully, through active listening and vulnerable communication, your hearts begin to draw into one another.  Everyone is busy. Don’t let that be an excuse for not checking-in. People always make time for those things important. Your marriage is worth it.

How to Check-In

What’s up for you, in your life? What’s one new and interesting thing you’ve been thinking about lately?

What words would you use to describe where your head and heart are? 

Is there anything I have done in the past week that may have unknowingly hurt you?

What is something I did to make you feel loved this week?

How did I do at showing my appreciation for you?

Did you see any answered prayers this past week?

Do you think you will need more closeness or more alone time over the next couple of days/week?

How do you feel about our sex life lately?

What are the main stressors currently in your life, and is there any way I can alleviate that stress for you, if only a small amount?

What did you particularly enjoy that you’d like to do more of? (meals, activities, TV shows, trips out, etc.)

How do you see God at work in your life?

What kind of help do you need from me?

What issues in the house have been occupying your thoughts lately? (problems with kids, repairs needed, messiness)

How can I pray for you in the coming week?

What’s going on at work, or coming up at work, that could affect our life?

What’s the best thing I can do to let you know that you are my priority and my joy?

Give Amy Wine Counseling Center a call at 832-421-8714 if you have any questions about our therapeutic services or would like to schedule an appointment.


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