Sequoia Counseling Center
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We hear it all the time: “I need to process this,” or “I’m still processing that.” But what does it actually mean to process something from a therapeutic perspective? Processing occurs when we try to make sense of an experience that has left us feeling unsettled—something that didn’t sit right mentally, emotionally, or physically. This might be an event, a conflict, a thought, a memory, or an emotion. Another way to understand processing is to think of it as the psychological

Now that we have taken a look at what to look for in friendships that last. Again, the Gottmans have four items that lead to romantic relationships ending, and I believe that we can apply them to friendships too. According to the Gottmans, the four things that can make a romantic relationship last are the following: build a culture of appreciation, gentle start ups, responsibility, and physiological self-soothing. Let’s take a closer look at how each of these might play out

We talk about red flags in romantic relationships, but what about in friendships? As a marriage and family therapist, I teach couples the four things that kill a relationship per the Gottmans: contempt, defensiveness, criticism, and stonewalling. Each of these have been proven through evidence based research to lead to the demise of a relationship. It isn’t so far-fetched to assume that the same things apply to any other relationship, especially friendships. Let’s take a clo

I’ve been noticing a lot lately that so many of us have the idea that we’re supposed to be perfect before we deserve good things. We’re supposed to be more regulated, less anxious, more confident, more assertive, less negative, bounce back from hard things in a minute, and so on. It seems like these messages sneak in slowly and quietly through conversations with well-meaning friends and family members, movies, books, advertisements, and what I think might be the biggest culp

The human brain is inundated with vast amounts of data every second. To manage this overwhelming influx, the brain employs various shortcuts such as chunking (grouping information) and unconscious bias—tools that help us quickly determine what is relevant for our survival and what can be disregarded. As a result of these mental shortcuts, what we consciously perceive is only a small, filtered portion of the reality that originally enters our minds. This selective awareness me

The holiday season is often portrayed as a time of joy, connection, and celebration—but in reality, it can also bring pressure, overload, and emotional strain. Between family expectations, social gatherings, travel, and end-of-year responsibilities, it’s easy to lose sight of your own needs. Practicing healthy boundaries and intentional self-care is essential for navigating this busy season with more peace and authenticity. Start by identifying what truly matters to you duri

As humans, we are all connected by what are called universal longings or universal needs. Examples of these needs might be safety, stability, connection, love and belonging, and purpose. When these needs struggle to be met whether due to societal culture, isolating events, or relationship issues, technology presents as a seemingly harmless solution. We might turn to social media apps, designed to interact with the reward centers in our brains, stream a movie or TV series for

The holiday season can be a wonderful time filled with celebration, family, and tradition. However, it's also notorious for bringing stress, anxiety, and overwhelming expectations. Whether you’re hosting gatherings, shopping for gifts, or balancing work and family, holiday stress can creep in and dampen your enjoyment. Data from the American Psychological Association indicates that 89% of individuals report heightened stress levels during this period, and approximately 64% of

We turn away from death. Someone else handles the dead. Someone else makes the arrangements. Someone else takes care of it. We don’t deal with it. This makes me wonder: Does turning away from the process of death hinder our grief? She’s got a smile that it seems to me Reminds me of childhood memories Where everything was as fresh as the bright blue sky Looking death in the eyes was the most selfless thing I could have done. Instead of having the veterinarian deal w

We all carry pieces of our past with us. For some people, those pieces are light and warm, shaping happy memories and a sense of “I’m...

Where do you even find friends as an adult? When we are younger, we are more likely to have opportunities to form friendships. This is...

For those of us with ADHD, there is often this all-too-familiar experience of feeling misunderstood by others. Sometimes, “others” are...

“What if I had called one more time just to check in? What if he didn’t know how loved he was before he died? What if she would not have...

Most of us know that self-care is important. We try to make it happen but it seems like we never have the time. Between working, raising...

One of the best ways to relax and unwind at the end of a long day is by watching a movie. Movies create a myriad of emotions for people....

If you are like a lot of people, you may hear a song that describes the holidays as “the most wonderful time of year” and immediately...

The holiday season is a time of joy, celebration, and togetherness. However, admits the hustle and bustle it is crucial not to negate...

Let’s be real – screens and social media are pretty much part of our everyday lives now. Screens are a big part of how we work, play, and...

Imagine this: It’s roughly 85 degrees Fahrenheit at night. There is no breeze. The power is out. Your food is slowly rotting away in the...

Working as a counselor has shown me how much our senses actually influence our mental health. I see it in the child who has ADHD and...