You don’t have to be perfect to be worthy

I’ve been noticing a lot lately that so many of us have the idea that we’re supposed to be perfect before we deserve good things. We’re supposed to be more regulated, less anxious, more confident, more assertive, less negative, bounce back from hard things in a minute, and so on.

 It seems like these messages sneak in slowly and quietly through conversations with well-meaning friends and family members, movies, books, advertisements, and what I think might be the biggest culprit – social media... It’s no wonder that we start believing that these messages are true, they are everywhere!! They imply that worthiness is something we earn once we’ve done enough work on ourselves. Until we reach that (pretty high) bar, we are not enough, not worthy, not interesting.

But healing and growth don’t work like that. They are not a straight line from point A to point B, they are more like an infinity loop. Not really something with a finish line, but a process that is ongoing as we grow older and change. It’s a process that ebbs and flows, and there are so many ups, downs, and stuck points. It’s so hard in the beginning and, even as we slowly get better at something, there are still the hiccups that keep us from reaching that “perfect” bar that we envisioned. 

The worst part of those messages is that it ties our worth to how “healed” we are. When we tell ourselves we’ll be enough once we stop overthinking everything, or once we stop getting triggered by everything, or once we remain cool, calm, and collected at all times. That kind of thinking turns healing and growing into a performance where we can’t make mistakes instead of a process where we’re free to (and supposed to) make mistakes.

The truth that often gets lost in these messages is this – You are already worthy! You are already enough! Not because you’ve been doing better with your anxiety, or because you’ve learned to set boundaries, or because you’ve been practicing being more mindful, but because you exist. Worthiness is NOT something you achieve at the end of healing or at the end of therapy. It’s something you bring with you into it all. It exists right there, next to all your beautifully imperfect parts.

You’re worthy on the days you communicate effectively, AND on the days you shut down. You’re worthy when you set boundaries, AND when you second-guess yourself after. You’re worthy when you’re calm, AND when you’re overwhelmed. You’re worthy when you are a thoughtful partner, AND when you forget to plan another date night. 

Healing and growing are not the things that make you valuable. They help you live your life more fully, with a little more intentionality, honesty, self-trust, and make handling things a little easier over time. They don’t make life perfect, and they don’t make you perfect. So if you’re in a place that still feels messy or unfinished, know that there is NOTHING wrong with you. You don’t need to arrive anywhere, you don’t need to reach that high bar, or even get halfway there, in order to deserve care, compassion, rest, and love. You don’t have to be perfect to be worthy. You already are! Truly. And I hope you can silence those voices that say otherwise.

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Barbara Johns, LPC Associate

I believe that in order to heal, people need to have a safe space where they can explore what is contributing to their problems and how they can use their difficulties as fuel for personal growth in order to turn things around and live life the way they really want to. My goal is to provide you with that safe and supportive environment as well as with new tools and skills that you can take with you on your journey toward healing and growth.