What do you think a typical marriage looked like 200 years ago? Do you think their ceremony vows included one of the popular options found from theknot.com below?
I promise to be your lover, companion, and friend. Your partner in parenthood, ally in conflict, greatest fan, toughest adversary, comrade in adventure, student, teacher, consolation in disappointment, and accomplice in mischief. This is my sacred vow to you, my equal in all things. All things.
For those who cling to the everlasting romantic idea of marriage, I hate to be the bearer of bad news. The vows above would have been expecting way too much.
We are asking more from our marriage now than any other time in history.
In her book, The State of Affairs, Esther Perel states, “within the small circle of the wedding band are vastly contradictory ideals. We want our chosen one to offer stability, safety, predictability, and dependability. We want that very same person to supply awe, mystery, adventure, and risk.”
However, this is difficult and our expectations may be setting us up for failure. Your partner was never meant to meet all of your needs, but because of the movie, Jerry McGuire, everyone is waiting to find someone to complete them.
Our relationships with friends, family, and even coworkers are important for the holistic care of our emotional needs. Having a guys/girls night is good and healthy for individuals. Encouraging and supporting your spouse to purse a recreational activity they are passionate about can be incredibly beneficial for your relationship. Social diversity keeps unrealistic expectations of your spouse in a manageable place. It helps minimize your perceived need for your partner and allows you to grow the desire aspect of your love.
Marriage can become stronger by asking for less. Nurturing other relationships in your life and encourage one another’s passions.
If your relationship is having difficulty finding the balance between the ‘we’ aspect and the ‘me’ aspect, then please give Amy Wine Counseling Center a call at 832-421-8714. We have several counselors who would be delighted in helping you in your journey.