Raise your hand if you’ve ever read a marriage help book. (I have.) You know the ones – The Five Love Languages, His Needs Her Needs, Love and Respect, Sheet Music, etc. They are great books!
If you’ve never read any of the ones I just mentioned I’d recommend them, but this post isn’t about recommending a book. It’s about understanding their true intentions. While each book offers wonderful insight, there seems to be a message that could be causing harm as well. It’s the message that once you finish the book, go through the steps, identify the goals or a particular area that needs work in your relationship, then you’ve reached the solution. Your marriage is suddenly perfect and you and your spouse shall no longer struggle.
As nice as that sounds, I need you to know: marriage isn’t intended to be solved. Marriage is to be enjoyed, fought for, experienced, survived by every couple who dares to venture into its waters. It’s meant to be a daily adventure (with some days being much better than others) that each partner chooses to partake in.
You see, if the perception is that marriage is to be solved you will experience more frustration (and possibly resentment) than joy. Marriage is to be chosen. It is a creative process that never achieves perfection, but is more than worth the try. As long as imperfect people exist, a perfect marriage can never be fully achieved. That is supposed to be more encouraging than discouraging. There will be bumps in the journey, but as long as you are choosing marriage there will also be milestones.
So how do we choose our partner every day?
You could start by reading some of the books mentioned above. Take time to identify your love languages or learn what it truly means to love and respect each other. Begin to understand what makes your partner willingly choose you by first choosing them.
Bring her breakfast in bed.
Rub his shoulders after a long day at work.
Do that one household chore that neither one of you like to do.
Make eye contact with each other when speaking.
Kiss each other – and make it more than just a “welcome home” peck.
Marriage is a wonderful thing. It is something that takes work, but when done right, that work can feel effortless. If you feel like you need help choosing your partner every day or just a little marriage check-up with a professional, give us a call at 832-421-8714.