Let’s be honest, if left unchecked, marriage can become monotonous. Intimacy decreases as individuals have their daily routines. Spouses can get used to using the same old surface level questions; they listen to one another while checking their Facebook news feed, go to bed, rinse, and repeat. I encourage you to shake things up a bit.
No more asking, “How was your day?” It’s not that it’s necessarily a bad question, but it doesn’t always produce a meaningful response. When you are stuck in a routine, you need to throw a metaphorical wrench in the equation and shake things up. For one week, commit to using a different set of questions. Questions that will stimulate conversation beyond the surface. Questions that will give you a better glimpse into the heart and soul of your partner.
Trying asking these questions instead
When did you feel loved today?
What did I do today that made you feel appreciated?
What did you find exciting today?
Was there anything that you felt bring you down today?
What do you look forward to most about tomorrow?
What can I do to help you right now?
If we really want to know our spouse, if we really care to know them — we need to ask them better questions and then really listen to their answers. We need to ask questions that carry the message that we actually care about what they are feeling and saying. Often, a throwaway question will elicit a throwaway answer. Think of a good question as a key that is able to unlock the deepest part of the person you love most.
Maintaining a healthy sense of curiosity toward your spouse perpetuates engagement, engagement leads to connection, and connection helps build a solid foundation for friendship and intimacy (essential for a lifetime of love).