The Power of “Being With” Your Child

As a therapist trained in play therapy, I am often asked by parents for advice on how to better connect with their children. Parents may feel overwhelmed by emotional outbursts, challenging behaviors, or the feeling that no matter what they say or do, their child still does not seem to understand them. With so many parenting strategies on social media, from friends, and from family, it can feel like there is always a new “right” way to parent.

While there are many helpful parenting skills I could share, one of the most important things I encourage parents to focus on is the parent-child relationship.

Dr. Garry Landreth, a major influence in the field of play therapy, emphasized the importance of the parent-child relationship and the power of being emotionally present with a child. One of the ideas that has most influenced my work is: “What matters most is not what you do, but who you are being with your child in that moment.”

So you may ask, Madeline, what does “being with” your child actually mean? I am with my child all day!

Being with is more than simply being physically present. It means creating moments where your child feels heard, understood, accepted, and valued. Here are three simple ways to practice it:

1. Reflect their feelings. Try naming what your child may be feeling and why: “You’re disappointed because the game didn’t go how you wanted.” This communicates, I see you, and I want to understand you.

2. Lean into their interests. If your child loves cars, play cars with them. If your teenager loves a certain band, ask them about it or listen to their music together. When we show genuine interest in what matters to our children, we communicate that what matters to you matters to me.

3. Create intentional connection time. Put the phone away, minimize distractions, and spend even 20–30 minutes focused on your child. Let them help choose what you do together. This could be playing, baking, talking in the car, or simply sitting together.

Parenting does not require perfection. Sometimes, the most meaningful thing we can give our children is simply our presence. Being with your child communicates: “I see you. I hear you. You matter to me.”

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Madeline Ayala - LPC-Associate

Madeline specializes in working with children, adolescents, young adults, and adults through every stage of life. Her clinical interests include trauma, anxiety, life transitions, women's issues, parenting support, and family relationship dynamics. She is passionate about creating a safe, trusting, and growth-oriented environment where clients feel heard, supported, and empowered. Madeline believes that while life's challenges can feel overwhelming, they can also become opportunities for healing, self-discovery, and lasting growth.