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Are You Married to Your Best Friend?

Why Becoming Your Spouse’s Best Friend is the Ultimate Marriage Goal

After being married about a year, my wife and I were interacting with a lady at a retail store – talking about marriage and such – when she abruptly asked, “Are you two like, best friends or something?”  When we replied, “Yes.”, she stated she hoped for the same with her husband when she got married.  This was roughly 9 years ago and her question and comment caught me off guard.  I had simply assumed that all married couples were best friends.  I’ve since learned differently, that becoming best friends doesn’t automatically happen in relationships, however, there is no better foundation to create a marriage.  I’m not suggesting a marriage can’t last without being best friends I’m simply making the case that working to be best friends gives couples the best chance at long-term happiness and fulfillment in the relationship.

In our lifetime, we’ll spend more time with our partner/spouse than we do with anyone else.  This often means more arguments and challenges than any other relationship.  However, when we spend time building friendship, we build empathy, compassion, understanding, and safety with one another.  As the relationship becomes saturated with these positive characteristics, it makes the challenges easier to overcome.

When your spouse is your best friend, they’re also your playmate and teammate.  Being a ‘playmate’ doesn’t necessarily mean doing all your recreational activities or hobbies together, but it does mean establishing ‘play’ as a means for connection in your relationship.  Being playful can come through verbal communications as well as action.  Playfulness involves a lot of laughter.  Being teammates mean tackling challenges together and seeking resolutions that provide mutual satisfaction.

Possibly most importantly, being best friends gives one another space for a healthy independent existence in an interdependent relationship.  There is security in being best friends that allows one another individual growth.  This freedom is crucial for long-term happiness.

Continue striving to be best friends with your partner and the challenges of life will more likely pull you together instead of pull you apart.  Romantic feelings will come and go, but building a foundation on friendship will stand the test of time.

If you and your partner have lost your playfulness and connectedness Amy wine Counseling Center can help. We love working with couples so they can reconnect and find the quality relationship they deserve. Please contact us at at 832-421-8714 or here, through our website. 


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