I'm Afraid You Should Read This
If you’ve ever been afraid of the monster in your closet or under your bed, you’re probably intimately familiar with the sensation of under no circumstances do I want to lay eyes on that thing. Similarly, we can detest the thought of any of our senses (hearing, touch, smell, etc.) to confirm the presence of the things we might be most afraid are really there.
Fear is all about avoidance - so much so, that we can even be convinced that to not avoid is, as a rule, a particularly bad idea. But, here’s the thing: Acknowledging the presence of the things we fear, or even just the sensation of fear, is not, in and of itself, dangerous. In fact there is so much value to curating a curiosity about what we find ourselves most afraid of; it can tell us something valuable about how we generally operate, what tends to drive us, and what we most desire. Consider how much smaller the shadows get when you shine a light on them. Oftentimes, the shapes and silhouettes we fear are the boogeyman finally come to get us are really just the ordinary stuff of life. And I promise you can handle the ordinary stuff.
Here’s what’s happening in a technical sense when you feel fear (or any other emotion, for that matter). We start with an initial safety check (“Am I okay or do I sense some threat nearby?”), followed by various bodily sensations (e.g. racing heart, sweatiness or clamminess, a pit in the stomach, tension, fidgeting, quickening breath, etc.), which can influence the deeper meaning we make of the moment at hand, and which can finally lead to some sort of action - in this case, think fight, flight, or freeze. By the time we get to this part of what we mean by feeling afraid, and if the fear is intense enough to be outside of our present ability to manage it, our higher brain function (literally the topmost part of our brain, which is responsible for things like rational thought, explicit memory, imagination, values, learning, a sense of time - everything we might mean by “conscious thinking”), has been essentially disabled, and the lower brain function (literally the bottom of our brain, which is responsible for regulating the very most basic functions of a body that is technically alive) hops into the driver’s seat. At this point, there is only one objective: survival. Ultimately, fear is a mechanism of protection that is hardwired into our nervous systems. Without it, we might not know how to recognize when the real dangers and troubles show up, and then all our fancy higher brain features wouldn’t be all that much good to us.
But fear isn’t simply a physiological mechanism. For so many of us, it’s also an experiential reality upon which we can unintentionally build the foundation of our whole lives. Left unchecked, fear can remain the core motivator behind every decision - the lower brain can stay planted in the driver’s seat of your little metaphorical car, and its priorities can stay fixed on the map, so to speak, leaving little room for the higher brain (the rest of you) to be a part of your own story. This means that one could go a long time without recognizing the deepest longings, wants, and needs that every fear is ultimately pointing to. One could live a whole life hiding, ignoring, avoiding when what they really wanted (but didn’t know) was to live a life of revealing, witnessing, embracing.
The task at hand, then, becomes learning how to practically manage fear so that we can learn to distinguish between real and imagined threats, effectively allowing our higher brain function the space to come back online and stay online, and then to bravely explore the deeper meaning of our subjective experiences found only in our higher brain function - because life is about so much more than just technical survival. In other words, we can’t help what we don’t know, and we can’t reach well or easily what we don’t know we’re actually searching for. Developing curiosity and awareness without judgment allows us to honor both the function of our brains as protective entities and the longings of our hearts as witnesses to who we really are.
If you’ve ever pondered (like I have) ancient wisdoms imploring you to know thyself...
I’m afraid this all might have something to do with it.
Savannah Citron, LMFT - Associate
I enjoy utilizing various experiential treatment modalities (including Emotion Focused Therapy, Dialectical Behavior Therapy, and Narrative Therapy) in my work with single and partnered adults, teens and families, and couples who may be struggling to navigate expected and unexpected life transitions, difficult and/or distressing relationships to self, God, and others, and histories of shame, trauma, and faith. It’s my privilege to support you in deepening your own understanding of who you are, including your wants, needs, fears, and strengths.
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