Masculinity in the 2020s

Conversations about healthy masculinity, particularly during adolescence and young adulthood, have become increasingly urgent. Across education, work, mental health, and social life, many young men appear to be struggling. Boys now lag behind girls on several academic and professional indicators, and mental health outcomes tell an equally sobering story. According to the Anxiety and Depression Association of America, roughly one in ten men experience depression or anxiety, yet fewer than half ever receive professional support. While there have been some recent noteworthy trends of renewed religious interest and increases in faith community participation among Gen Z adults, many adolescent and young adult men are not currently a part of this trend. It is common for young men to remain isolated from community and social support (religious or otherwise), often leading to a perception of being alone in their struggles. The message of “man up” when there is real pain might implicitly sound like “you’re on your own.”

Much of this struggle is unfolding online. Teens and young adult men are spending unprecedented amounts of time in digital spaces such as social media and gaming. Many are habitually consuming pornographic content. This hyper-online culture can become a self-perpetuating cycle: loneliness drives excessive screen use, which then deepens loneliness. Within this environment, the “manosphere” has gained traction, offering simple but harmful explanations for complex pain. For instance, what may begin as being labeled an “incel” as a form of bullying can, in some cases, escalate into identification with extremist beliefs about women and relationships, occasionally resulting in aggression or violence. A less extreme yet still concerning trend is “gooning,” in which some Gen Z males openly describe using extended pornography consumption as a substitute for intimacy, fueled by despair and a belief that real connection is unattainable. These sexualized behaviors are only one part of a broader picture; even boys who appear socially successful often report significant anxiety, depression, and emotional numbness.

How do we make sense of what we are noticing? Gender stereotypes and societal expectations play a powerful role. Many boys receive narrow messages about what “counts” as masculine academically, professionally, and socially. When interests such as nursing, the arts, or gymnastics are subtly devalued, young men learn that acceptance is conditional. At the same time, cultural messaging often swings between telling boys they are “too much” (too loud, too aggressive, too disruptive) and “not enough” (not smart, attractive, successful, or motivated). Imagine being an eighth-grade boy in 2026 trying to reconcile those contradictions. By contrast, focusing on strengths rather than deficits, effort rather than outcomes, and personhood rather than performance could radically shift how young men view themselves and perhaps even the way in which they relate to their female peers.

There are also mixed messages about masculinity itself. Language around “toxic masculinity” might be helpful when naming harmful behaviors, but when oversimplified, it can sound like “men are the problem.” Combined with stigma around male emotional expression, this discourages boys from seeking help. Reframing help-seeking as strength, emotional growth as admirable self-improvement, and counseling as a resource rather than a punishment could make support more accessible. Importantly, caring about young men does not mean tolerating harm toward women. Accountability and respect for women and girls must remain non-negotiable, even as we affirm that boys and young men are valuable members of families, classrooms, and communities.

So what can we do? There have been broader cultural conversations recently, some of which have been sparked by thinkers like Jonathan Haidt and entertainment such as the hit TV show Adolescence. These conversations have helped raise awareness, which is an encouraging start. That said, real change happens through real connection. Parents, mentors, and caring adults can offer something irreplaceable: presence. Listening without immediately fixing, setting loving boundaries around screen time, encouraging in-person relationships, and opening the door to counseling when appropriate all communicate care. Perhaps most importantly, simply showing up again and again reminds young men that they are not defined by their worst choices or their performance. While we cannot control every message they absorb from the outside world, we can consistently counter “you’re too much” and “you’re not enough” with a quieter, steadier truth: You are valued unconditionally. You belong; there will always be a place for you. And you deserve to have the support you need to grow into the man you were meant to be.

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Ryan Woods, LPC

My goal as a counselor is to help adults, adolescents, and children by providing a space to be heard, process life’s challenges, and develop the necessary skills to thrive mentally, physically, and spiritually. My overall approach to therapy involves cognitive behavioral methods, as well as narrative therapy. I view counseling as a collaborative effort in helping clients recognize strengths, identify needs, understand conflicts, discover new options, set personal development goals, and make informed choices.