Myths and Truths About Kids
Many sayings and beliefs about parenting and children have been passed down through generations. Although they are often shared with good intentions, they may not reflect what we now know about children’s nervous systems, attachment, and emotional development. Let’s take a closer look:
Kids are resilient.
Children are not automatically resilient simply because they keep going. Resilience grows when children have enough safety, support, connection, and repair to recover from stress. A child may look “fine” on the outside while still carrying overwhelm on the inside.
That’s how I was raised.
It is also worth questioning the phrase, “That’s how I was raised.” Surviving a pattern does not always mean the pattern was healthy. Many adults are doing the brave work of noticing what they inherited, keeping what was helpful, and changing what caused harm or dysfunction.
You’re supposed to be their parent, not their friend.
Children need boundaries, structure, and guidance. They also need warmth, emotional safety, and connection. Being emotionally available does not mean giving up authority; it means leading from relationship instead of fear.
Describing a child as “too needy”.
When a child seems “needy,” it may be their way of asking for regulation, reassurance, attention, or closeness. Behavior is often communication. When we respond to the need underneath the behavior, the behavior itself often softens.
Boys need to be “tough”.
This belief that boys need to learn to be tough actually teaches them to suppress their emotions. Children of both genders need language for feelings, tools for calming their bodies, and permission to ask for help. Suppressed emotions stick around, they don’t disappear. Many psychological problems, interpersonal problems, and behavioral problems stem from suppressing emotions.
Parenting does not require perfection. It requires reflection, repair, and a willingness to update old messages with what we now know. Maybe the updated sayings sound more like this: Kids are resilient when they are supported. Connection strengthens authority. Behavior is communication. Emotional safety builds strength. If needs aren’t met, the behavior will reflect. It takes discipline and strength to engage in emotional awareness and learn to regulate emotions in a healthy manner. When adults change the language, they help change the environment for children to thrive.
Katie Dufour, LCSW, LCDC
Counseling is helpful because it allows us to take a step back to get a better view and understanding of what is going on, how we got to where we are, and how do we move forward to create a meaningful life worth living. My approach to counseling is to create a collaborative relationship with my clients, because, at the end of the day, no amount of degrees and certifications and trainings can trump the fact that YOU are the expert on YOU!
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