Progress, Not Perfection

In my work as a therapist, I've noticed that many people struggle because they set expectations that are almost impossible to meet, not because they lack motivation or because they don't work at it, but because the bar is set extremely high. A lot of the time they put off even setting a goal because they don't think they can do it. For example someone might say they don't have time to start exercising, or tackling a project, or socializing. In their mind, they need to "do it right" or "not at all". They tell themselves they'll start exercising when they can commit to at least 40 minutes, or at least 3 days a week. They'll start that project when they have four hours free to get it done all at once, or when they have a couple hours to go to lunch with a friend. Until conditions feel "just right," they wait. There are not many days where we end up with a couple of hours free to get some of those things done and that can feel hard. 

But what if instead of focusing on the entire thing or the ideal conditions, they focused on one step. One 10 minute walk, the first step of a project that might only take 20 minutes, one quick phone call to a friend. These things may seem small at first, but over time they add up. Some days they may end up with a longer block of time and get more things done; some days there may not be time or energy left for any of those things, and that's also ok. The people who stick with the changes in their routines are rarely the ones who do everything just right from the beginning. A lot of the times the kinds of changes we want to make are unsustainable if they require so much of our time and/or effort right away. Baby steps is the way to go. 

Something else I've noticed is that many people struggle to recognize their own progress. They measure themselves against where they think they should be rather than where they started. They overlook the fact that they recover more quickly from stress, communicate more openly, or show themselves more compassion than they did a year ago. Or they don't see how the small changes and the small steps are related to them feeling better and doing better in other areas. Because these changes are gradual, they can be easy to miss. But these are often the clearest signs of growth.

I've sat with clients who felt discouraged because they weren't "there yet." When we paused to look back together, they realized they had already come farther than they thought. The anxiety that once controlled their days had become more manageable. The boundaries that once felt impossible had become part of their routine. The self-criticism that was a daily thing in their inner dialogue had mostly gone away. None of these changes happened overnight. They happened through consistent, small efforts over time.

One of the most important lessons I hope people take away is that growth doesn't require perfection. And actually waiting for perfection often keeps us stuck where we are. Real change tends to happen in the ordinary moments: choosing to try again after a setback, reaching out for support when things feel heavy, or taking one small action toward a goal instead of becoming overwhelmed by the entire process. 

If there's something I see all the time throughout my work, it's this - progress doesn't really happen in a big leap. Most often, it looks like people showing up for themselves in small ways, day after day (even if they skip a few), throughout this process. And while those steps may not seem impressive in the moment, they always add up.

This week, I invite you to ask yourself a simple question: What is one small (or even teeny tiny) step I can take today? Not tomorrow, not when life calms down, and not when you feel completely ready. Set 5 minutes aside to do something good for yourself today. Then do it again tomorrow and as often as you can. Small steps add up and progress keeps you growing.

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Barbara Johns, LPC Associate

I believe that in order to heal, people need to have a safe space where they can explore what is contributing to their problems and how they can use their difficulties as fuel for personal growth in order to turn things around and live life the way they really want to. My goal is to provide you with that safe and supportive environment as well as with new tools and skills that you can take with you on your journey toward healing and growth.