The nine emotional needs are: security, volition, attention, emotional connection, connection to the community, privacy, a sense of status, a sense of achievement, and meaning. Below is a look at the first two, what they are, and how to meet them.
Our emotional need for security is the need for a safe place. This environment enables us to lead our lives without experiencing unnecessary fear and allows us to develop more fully. When our environment feels insecure, dangerous, or unsafe it can lead to mental health suffering.
Ideas for how to meet the need for security
One way to start meeting your need for security is to start by making a list of things in your environment that are currently an area where you are feeling insecure. Questions to ask yourself include: Is it a certain location? A certain person? Did this start after a traumatic event? Once you identify the areas that feel unsafe – begin to look toward action steps to take to make changes. For example: Is your boss or a coworker harassing you, making it hard to spend the majority of your week in the office? It might be time to know your worth and start looking for a new place of employment, or take the issue to HR.
Volition is the need to feel like we have autonomy and have some power in the direction of our lives. Often times this looks like those seasons in life when everything in our external world is taking a nose dive. There is not certainty about the wellbeing of family members, or we are needing to depend on others in order to maintain some level of sanity. We can’t find time in our schedules for routine and managing the small things, and the bigger areas are feeling the wake of the chaos.
Ideas for getting the need for volition met
Sometimes we have to take a look at our boundaries: how much of our time is going to meet others needs, who are we letting into our life? In order to gain volition, you may try to gain more control over external circumstances by having a conversation with a boss or a spouse about your need to have more clear boundaries or a little more control over a project. Assertiveness can help with external control. However; sometimes we have no control over external circumstances, such as terminal illness. You can try to control things that are in your boundaries: what to feed yourself and your family, when to workout, what shows to watch or what color to paint your walls. Another area to help this is internal control. Mindfulness and meditation can help control what is internally happening inside of your body both physiologically and with the thoughts in your head.
If thinking about meeting nine different emotional needs is overwhelming, note that often one activity can meet multiple needs at the same time. For instance, in using assertiveness to set boundaries with a boss or coworker makes you feel unsafe, you could meet the need of security as well as volition! If you have questions about counseling and would like to speak to any of our counselors, please call Amy Wine Counseling Center at 832.421.8714.