Me: So, you’re thinking about getting married?
Person: Yes! They are the one!
Me: How do you know they’re the one?
Person: I just feel it.
Me: What does it feel like?
Person: I just want to be with them all the time.
Me: I want to be with my dog all the time. Should I marry it?
Person: No. That’s silly.
Me: I know.
You may think this hypothetical conversation never exists in real life, but I assure you it does. Often, in a dating relationship we can rely much on how we feel and forget to assess whether or not the person we’re with possesses the kind of character we desire for a long-term relationship. So, for those thinking you might like to marry the person you’re dating, here’s a list of important questions to ponder about their character. This isn’t an exhaustive list, but it’ll get you started on the right track (in no particular order of importance). I could’ve listed 100+ questions, including those about finances, faith, kids, etc, but I’m shooting for a starting point. If you’re not feeling positive about your responses to the questions below, then all the others don’t matter. I should note these questions were populated with the understanding that marriage is best when based on mutual love and respect.
Would you characterize them more as selfish or selfless?
Do they respect what is important to you?
How do they express anger/frustration?
How do they treat a waiter at a restaurant (or other service-oriented positions)?
How do they respond under stress?
What are their family relationships like?
How secretive are they?
Are they controlling or do they allow autonomy in the relationship?
Do they allow them self to be influenced by you or do they possess a “my way or the highway” mentality?
This quote by Malcolm Forbes sums up a lot: You can easily judge the character of others by how they treat those who can do nothing for them or to them.
Like I said, the questions above are a starting point. During the course of a relationship there should be several other important questions to consider as well. If you’re already in a committed relationship and some of these questions elicit concern, it’s not too late for change to occur. If you’re unhappy with the state of your relationship gives us a call at 832-421-8714 or contact us here. We have several counselors who would be happy to help get you on the track you desire.